“Many years ago, you were probably thinking by the age of twenty-something, you would have your favourite car, blasting loud music and going through life with that special someone.”
You ever wondered why your parent does not have those big cars you envisage and with your small primary school knowledge, you vouch they cannot work as hard as you have been working. I mean, you can count from 1-100 without missing a number, such achievement, such pride.
However, you are in this situation, jumping buses from one station to another, if God loves you enough, someone will give you a ride, drop you at the closest junction where you will pick a bike or have a long conversation with your legs on the importance of walking as a form of exercise, you just want to be healthy.
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If you are a lady, welcome to the world of cat-calling, some “Eis fine geh” “Wos, my colour” “My shape, na you I dey call”, some times you reply, other times you walk that beautiful walk of shame.
The basic thing is, your dream of getting a car is still in the plan, now, your age limit for purchasing that car is 30 something, a miracle would have happened then.
You are stuck with buses and the wonderful people you meet there, below are some type of people you meet on a bus:
The Nose Pickers
These ones love the dirt in their nostrils than any conversation. They dig deep and you wonder if they have their glory hidden there. After picking their noses, they then rub it by the door, that same door someone will grab unto while trying to enter, yes, that same one. You did not pay their cab fare, so there is little you can do. If you pick your nose in public, please stop it, it is disgusting.
The loud callers
These people will help you with the information you do not need. You will learn how “Iya Monsurat took Iya Bisola’s husband”, “how Chinedu sold fake wristwatch to Usman”, they will shout in such a manner that your earplugs will be unable to block out the noise. These ones call through the ride. You cannot tell them to keep quiet, so you listen to their family and business history.
All the things you never knew were sins will be revealed to you by the almighty bus preachers. From how you are not supposed to have a relationship, to how your trousers will send you to hell, that attachment on your head will probably lead you to hell too. You are stuck there arguing with the preacher in your mind, wondering why the message is being twisted and why you really need to listen. You just want to ride peacefully to your destination.
These ones will tell you all the stories you are not interested in all in the name of getting to know you better. Who are you not to listen, come on, you do not want to be rude. From hi, I am so-so-and-so, just know you are in for it. They will ask for your house address, your office address, your family house, and if you are not careful, your genotype. When you decide to plug your earpiece, they will tap you and continue with their stories. Isn’t life good?
For these set of people, the only thing left is to match them with Anthony Joshua. They fight with the conductors, then they switch to the passenger trying to settle their tongue fight with the driver. If you cough too much, you might get some scolding. While at it, they will mention all of their achievements that are not really an achievement.
The smelly group
There is always someone like this on the bus. They are probably in a war with perfumes and body sprays or someone with a mouth odour who loves to hear themself talk.
Moments like this, you think about ways you can make things better, maybe you spray your perfume inside the bus or you ask them to use it out of the goodness of your heart or just advise the driver to hang body spray so those with body odour can use it before stepping in because you did not come to this world to die of someone else’s body odour. For the mouth odour, you can always offer them a gum as an act of charity and if they insult you in the process, take it all in good faith.
We all are not interested in listening to your music, please do not force us. They are either blasting music from their phones with poor speakers or they use earplugs and sing with some horrible voice. You can then plead with them to stop singing out or you enjoy the music you are not interested in, your choice.
The sleeping machines
If they sleep without disturbing you, that will be cool, however, these ones are more interested in using your shoulder as a pillow. They keep dosing and landing on your shoulder and there is really little you can do. Don’t you want to help the helpless? Just enjoy the ride, you are changing the world, one step at a time.
The google maps
These ones know all the shortcuts you can think of and they just can not just keep it to themselves, so your driver needs to know too since he is also trying to avoid the traffic. At the end of the day, the road might either be bad or it is even longer than the normal route.
You are stuck on your seat, remembering all the wonderful advice your parents must have thought you about not cutting corners, wishing you can teach the driver the importance of having a made-up mind and not cutting corners, but Alas! You cannot, you can only pray to get home the same way you left, with no broken shoulders or backache.
The seat owners
This is a life-saving secret, “there are times you ought to pay for two seats to allow conveniency.” It is unfair to sit like you own the bus while other people are struggling to sit comfortably. If you want to sit like a king or queen, please, just buy your car or pay for two or more seats.
If you take the same transport another time, you should not be surprised to see them begging for the same thing. For some, that is the way they survive, be ready to hear sad stories that will drain your pocket. It is either they have no money to pay for transport or one of their siblings is on the way to fight the World WarIII and will need your financial support, either way, they ensure they get something from you.